On Sustainability

Taking my rest day today as planned…and it has felt glorious! I slept in this morning (till 7!) and came straight home after work to relax. And I’ll be going to bed early so that I can squeeze in a pre-work run tomorrow since I have conference calls over my lunch break and am having drinks with one of my analyst friends after work. All good stuff!

I had lunch today with a friend and was telling her about all of my travel coming up and she said something about worrying that she couldn’t keep up her own fitness regimen if she traveled that much. And it’s definitely something I think about a lot too. Not just over the next few months, but over a longer term. I think a lot about whether I can keep this up – really intense workouts, sometimes twice a day, acknowledging/ignoring that I’m getting slightly similar pains in my left hip that I felt before my right hip devolved into tendinitis, etc etc etc. And what if I really do overdo it, and can’t exercise? What if I move and I don’t have a neighborhood gym close by, or what if I get another job in another part of the city and can’t go to yoga on my lunch breaks?

I also think a lot about my lifestyle. Right now, on a Sunday night you’ll open my fridge to find all of my meals for the week neatly lined up, along with the right silverware on my countertop. It looks slightly/majorly OCD. By Friday my fridge is absolutely bare. My meals intentionally complement each other – heavier carb stuff is consumed at lunch and lighter carbs for dinner, and it takes me awhile to plot everything out. I buy one apple for each of my lunches and one extra to cut up and throw in 5 days’ worth of oatmeal in tupperware. Everything.is.very.planned. And on the one hand it saves time and money and I guarantee you that I waste no food – everything I buy has a place. But I think about going home to my parents’ house, and how their pantry is always full and how my mother could whip together a meal at a moment’s notice. Normally if someone came to my door, I could only offer water, milk, or coffee, because I just don’t have anything else on hand. It works for now because I’m just me, but will it always work?

I walk just about 2 miles a day to get to/from work (just under half a mile to get to the train and another half mile to get from the train station to my office, then back again), and usually take some sort of walk in the middle of the day, whether it’s to the gym or to accompany my friend to her favorite salad place or to grab something at Target. Right now all of that is totally doable, but I think about what it’ll be like when I’m older. Will I still be as mobile? Will I still be using public transportation? Will I still even live in Chicago?

My family will tell you I’m rigid, and I’m sure that’s true – until very recently I never would have thought of myself as Type A, but I’m realizing I definitely have those tendencies. I like to spin it positively and say that I’m dependable, I’ll never be late, and I’ll never let you down, but the truth is, I worry a LOT about how inflexible I am at times.

I’m not really all that worried about losing consistency during my upcoming travel – I will absolutely miss workouts here and there, and I won’t have much control over what I eat, but I can adjust. I do worry about the day that something happens that throws me off my regular game, and I know that day will come. Not to get totally off the deep end here, but SOMETIMES I wonder if that’s why I’m not aggressive when it comes to dating…as much as I think I want to do it, I know it’ll require adjustments, and what if I do adjust – what if I start missing workouts to go out, or have some sort of intricate dinner on a night when I planned on something light – and I lose my motivation? Hahaha thankfully I’m hardly fending off invitations to go out, but I wonder if I tried harder if that might be a little different.

Of course I need to look better to get those offers in the first place. And to look better I need to be smaller and fitter. So it’s a good thing I AM so, um, dedicated to all this…right?!

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