Feeling Discouraged…

Not much of an entry for tonight but I thought writing might help clear my mind a bit. I tried running this morning and it was just a disaster…I barely made it beyond my condo complex. The pain in my hip was just so sharp and strong – similar to how it’s been feeling, but this time I had Josh’s words in my brain – no running if it hurts too much. So I just went home and went back to bed until it was time to get up for work.

I spent the day limping around the office and Googling “hip strain versus hip stress fracture.” I don’t know why I kept doing it – at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter what’s wrong with my hip, because both strains and fractures just need rest. If it truly is a fracture…it just means a lot MORE rest.

Around lunchtime it all just got into my head so I emailed Josh – I felt selfish for doing so; obviously I’m not his only patient! But he wrote back pronto and said that if it really was getting to me, I could call my regular doctor and try to get an X-ray scheduled. He reiterated what he said in our two sessions – based on his prodding and questions, it sounds like a strain, but if it’ll give me peace of mind to get the test done, just get it done. He also said he knew how discouraging this whole thing was and reminded me that I CAN run if the pain is manageable…I’m just not there yet.

I tried running again tonight after work, to the same outcome as this morning. But at least this time I committed to doing the exercises Josh and his assistants led me through last night, and also a DVD for an upper body workout. I felt like I had to do something, and neither of these aggravated my pain. I’ve been sitting on the couch with an ice bag under my hip for a half hour or so; I’ll get in some more time and then head to bed.

And will try, try again tomorrow.

My brother once told me that I’m always thinking three steps ahead, for better or worse. In this case…not a good thing! In my head, the pain doesn’t subside and I have to defer the marathon until next year. I lose all of the endurance I’ve worked so hard to build. My parents and my brother and sister in law have now wasted money on airfare to come to Chicago since I won’t be running, and now I want to reimburse them because I feel guilty about it. Whatever weight I’ve lost will come back with a vengeance because I won’t be burning nearly as many calories as I have been, plus I’m depressed so I’m eating more. So now I’m dropping out of the marathon, I’m trying to come up with alternative ideas on what to do with my family when they come for the marathon weekend, I have no muscle tone, I’m too fat to fit into my clothes, and I’m going to die alone.

I am REALLY good at catastrophic thinking. 🙂

But I’m trying to keep it all in perspective…as I’ve said a few times today, it’s not like I’m a professional athlete; I’m certainly not paid to run! And sure, I have some hip pain, but it’s nothing compared to what other people go through. And let’s be honest, I like running but I LOVE a lot of other forms of exercise, all of which I’ve been missing these past few months and anxious to return to. And if I really can’t run, I’ll just ask my nutritionist to revise my meal plans to account for less activity.

So we’ll see what happens. I’m going to call my doctor tomorrow and at least try to get the X-ray scheduled (or an office visit, whatever I need to do to get the ball rolling). And in the meantime I will have faith in Josh and will continue to believe this is just a strain. And I will try to run tomorrow morning but will not freak out if I can’t. And I’ll keep doing my exercises and icing and resting and will try to reassure myself that I’ve been so faithful in my training regimen that a few missed runs will not doom me. And maybe I’ll be back in action by my next long run…maybe I won’t…all I can do is follow Josh’s advice and listen to my little hip and hope for the best.

Easier said than done though. 🙂

With that I am off to bed. Apologies for the not so optimistic post…it’s been a long day. Have a good evening, friends!

2 thoughts on “Feeling Discouraged…

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